In Loving Memory of My Sanity
by XxSparkyxX
Summary: Being rewritten, but I'm lazy.
1. Default Chapter

"Listen up, people!" Potter's voice boomed out at everyone in his office.  
"What is it, Colonel? We need to get back soon. The gin's been fermenting for two whole days already!" Hawkeye spit his martini out at B.J.'s comment and the Colonel's glaring.  
"We can wait Beej. What were you saying, Colonel?"  
"Well, I was about to tell you all that we will be getting a new surgeon while the Major's in the hospital." Colonel Potter's cheeks puffed out as he spoke. He turned to the doctors. "He's regular Army, but try to be nice to him. We're loaded with casualties, and I'm too tired to take any complaints about you two. Comprende?"  
"Oh, sure Colonel." was their shared response. "Good."  
"What's his name, Colonel?" asked Margaret.  
"Hmm? Oh, yes. Ehh.," he said, looking at his papers. "A Major Benjamin E. Robinsen." Hawkeye's ears pricked up upon hearing the first name belonging to himself and the new Major.  
"Well, well, well."  
"Graduated top of his class. Yale. Specializes in Neurosurgery." "He should get here around sixteen hundred hours."  
Hawkeye leaned over toward B.J. and whispered, "I hope he's married so I don't have to share any nurses."  
"Good luck, Hawk." B.J. said.  
"Well, I don't know about that, but I'm looking forward to meeting him." Father Mulcahey told Hawkeye.  
"Me too," Radar piped up.  
"Maybe he'll be shorter than you, Radar."  
"Cut it out."  
Potter turned to the only one who had not yet spoken. "Klinger, I forgot you were here! Why aren't you commenting?"  
Klinger looked up from what appeared to be deep thought. "I can't decide whether to wear my pink floral ensemble when I greet the Major!" 


	2. Introductions

A/N: This WILL be better and stop dragging soon. To answer TakenHawkeye's question, I don't know which Major yet. I was thinking Charles, but also wanted to know what you all think.  
  
Disclaimer: I forgot it last time! Anywho, I don't own it, It's FAN fiction, right? I think I did in a past life, though. ;}  
  
"Sir, Major Robinsen's here."  
"Thanks, Radar. Send him in."  
A thin young man with brown eyes and hair stepped in. Colonel Potter looked up. "Ah, so you're the new Major."  
"Yessir."  
"Well, welcome to MASH four-oh-seventy-seven," Potter said to the Major as they shook hands. "I'm the C.O. here-Colonel Potter. As I understand, you're quite a surgeon.  
"Yes, sir," was the reply. Potter continued, "You'll be sharing a tent with two others-Captains- Hunnicut and Pierce. They can be crazy, but the nicest guys you'd ever wan to meet. I'll have-" (Radar came in and picked up the Major's bags) "-Radar show you to your suite," he finished. "Nice meeting you, Major."  
"You, too sir," the Major said, saluting.  
  
"Radar, is it?" Major Robinsen asked curiously.  
"Yep. I kinda know things are gonna happen."  
"I see," Robinsen said, sounding quite impressed. They went inside the tent and set down the bags. Major Robinsen looked around the room. Or, at least he thought it was under all the mess on one side. The other end was spotless.  
"There's your cot," Radar nodded toward the neat side.  
Thank goodness, the Major thought, not wanting to sleep in the mess as he was convinced something probably lived under it.  
His train of thought was broken as Radar announced that he had to go back to work and "Captains Pierce and Hunnicut should be here soon, sir."  
"You can call me Ben, Radar." "Uh, ok sir, Ben Radar-uh, Ben," Radar mumbled quickly before heading out the door.  
  
Just as Ben sat down on his cot, the door opened again and the other two surgeons came in, slightly drunk.  
"Well, lookie, here, Hawk. The new surgeon's here. I'm B.J. Howdy doo." B.J. stuck out his hand and it was shaken cautiously.  
Hawkeye noticed the puzzled look on Ben's face. "Don't worry about him, he's just drunk." He switched to a Transylvanian accent. "It is I you should beware, right, Igor?" There was an evil look in his eye.  
B.J. told Hawkeye to stop scaring the Major, they should introduce themselves properly.  
"Ok," Hawkeye said after they'd sobered up somewhat.  
"I'm B.J.," B.J. told Ben again. "And."  
"Hawkeye. We've got the same name, you know." He received a confused look. "Benjamin, right? Me, too. I just go by Hawkeye."  
"Do you all have nicknames around here?" asked the Major.  
"No, but a lot of us do," B.J. said. "D'ya want one? We can come up with good ones."  
"Sure. So, where're y'all from?"  
"Crabapple Cove, Maine," replied Hawkeye.  
"I'm from Mill Valley," B.J. told him. "How 'bout you?"  
"North Carolina. Raleigh." He sighed. "It would be nice to be there right now." "Hey, can I ask you guys a question?'  
"Sure, pal. What's on your mind?"  
"I was just wondering-well, that guard in the dress."  
"Ah, Klinger. He's trying for a section eight."  
"Right."  
"Say, are you married?" Hawkeye asked, finally remembering to ask his question.  
"Nope, and I don't plan to. I'm not really good with, well, females," Ben said, much to Hawk's relief.  
"That's o.k.," Hawk said. A snicker was heard from B.J.'s direction. His buddy had lucked out.  
"Why? You got good lookin' nurses here?"  
"Do we?!" said Hawkeye, looking over at B.J. "You bet! Finest kind!" The Major just laughed, starting to feel at home.  
B.J. took out a deck of cards. "Do you play?"  
The Major's eyes lit up. "I LOVE to. Any game. I'm not that good, though," -Hawkeye and B.J. exchanged mischievous glances- "but I'm fairly decent with most and an expert at Hearts."  
"Well then," said Hawkeye, "what do you say to some Poker tonight? Say, around 2100 hours?"  
"Ok. It sounds like fun," said the Major, as B.J. and Hawkeye went off in search of the other poker regulars. 


	3. Poker, a nickname, and new faces

A/N: Ok, I added some description but not much (reminds me of Radar's writing lessons) and I couldn't think of a good nickname-only this so the story stinks so far. I'm not fully awake when writing this either. Sorry. Oh, and Amy's personality is not quite how it currently seems.  
Disclaimer: Ditto!  
  
No such luck. "Hey, more assistance over here please." Wounded had arrived, and the OR was packed.  
Why the hell did they hafta attack right before our poker game on a day I feel lucky? Hawkeye pondered. Didn't they know I would have beaten the pants off that new guy? Luckily, the casualties stopped coming earlier than expected.  
"Ah, freedom!" Hawkeye shouted thankfully, breathing in the "fresh" air. A slight breeze was wafting odors toward them from the mess tent. A disgusted look came over his face. "Smells like they're serving long-dead mice and rotten tree bark again," he complained.  
"Let's skip supper and visit the still," B.J. suggested. "You still up for that poker game Hawk?"  
"Sure am."  
"Hey Ben!" B.J. called to the man coming out of OR.  
"God!" said Hawkeye. "You got that nickname for him yet, Beej? I keep thinking you're talking to me."  
"Sorry, Hawk. Not yet."  
"Well, hurry up."  
  
"Geez, Ben, I thought you weren't that good!" B.J. exclaimed. "Huh? Oh, yeah." Hawkeye said for the fifth time. So much for feeling lucky he mused.  
"I'm not. The fat god of luck must be smiling upon me," Ben insisted, mimicking Chow Mein, a second generation Chinese immigrant and currently off-duty M.P. with a name no one could quite pronounce. Radar thought he heard "Chow Mein", and the name stuck. Upon hearing this, a very drunk Chow toppled over laughing and passed out. "Sooo.you all want to play anymore?"  
"Heck no!" B.J. said.  
"Yeah, I'm not doin' it again tonight," Radar told him sleepily.  
"It's been a long day. I think we'd better turn in."  
"Ok. Good idea, Colonel," Hawk said. "'Cause I think he's a whiz and not telling us or he had cards up his sleeve." Everyone looked over at the Major, who was wearing a short-sleeved shirt. "I told you I was just lucky! I'll probably lose it tomorrow. Besides, if I wanted to hide cards, I'd hide them over here," Ben said smiling, reaching up and taking three cards from behind Hawkeye's ear. Radar was amazed. "Wow, he's a regular Merlin!" "That's it!" Hawk shouted at B.J. excitedly. "What?" asked B.J. curiously. "Merlin!" said Hawk. "The perfect nickname! No more getting confused!" "Hey yeah! Merlin it is." "Ok, if you guys say so," said "Merlin". Just then, two nurses knocked on the door. "We just got off our shift and wondered if you poker game was still on," one of them, a medium sized girl with blonde hair a few inches past her shoulders and light green-blue eyes asked.  
"No, but come in anyway-I could use some cheering up."  
Did he beat you?" asked the other nurse who was small with long, golden-brown hair and hazel eyes, nodding toward Merlin.  
"Yes!" B.J. told her.  
"Yeah, well he beat you too Beej!" Hawkeye retorted.  
"Not that bad." The Colonel received a menacing glare from a very upset Hawkeye.  
"Hey, you guys are new, aren't you?" B.J. asked.  
"Yeah," responded the first one. "Lt. Kathryn Meyer, but you can call me Kathy."  
"I'm Lt. Amy Ford," the other nurse said quietly.  
"Nice meeting you ladies. Care for a drink?" Kathy took one eagerly, but Amy just shook her head.  
"So, where's home for y'all?"  
"Maine," said Kathy.  
"No kidding! Me too!" She and Hawkeye started chattering about their hometowns while Amy just said "Missouri".  
"I come from Hannibal, myself. It's the greatest town in the world," Colonel Potter announced.  
"Oh, wow."  
  
Later, after everyone had left the Swamp but its occupants, the surgeons discussed Kathy and Amy.  
"Kathy's my kind of nurse," Hawkeye declared.  
"Amy seemed so quiet."  
Yeah, she didn't say too much."  
"Ahh, she's new, she'll come around. She seems like she would normally be very friendly.  
`"Let's have them over again," said B.J.  
"Sure, I bet Amy's fun too. But it'll have to be after my date with Kathy tomorrow."  
"Ok, Hawkeye." 


	4. OK thenA Product of Boredom

I only added a very quick scene that's been playing around in my head for awhile and I was afraid I'd forget some of it. I think I already did. By the way, I added the missing sentences from previous chapters. I really appreciate reviews. Be sure to check out my other stuff! ;} ~Sparkiâ¼  
  
Yo, Mer, what's the rush?" B.J. questioned as an olive green blur flew inside and flung itself onto a cot.  
"Who?"  
"You."  
"I'm tired," came the muffled reply.  
"If you're so tired, how'd you run so fast?" asked Hawkeye.  
"My mind's too tired to notice I'm tired, so it's as if I'm not really tired when I am."  
B.J. and Hawk exchanged glances. "Did you get that at all, Hawk?"  
"No," said the sprawled out figure on the cot.  
Another look. Hawk shook his head in reply. He shrugged his shoulders. "That's why we call him Merlin. Extremely clever. Mortal, yet not quite human."  
"Wow, he must be tired," B.J. said when no counterblow was offered. "Your observation is a keen one, Dr. Obvious," Hawk said, his voice drenched with sarcasm.  
A magazine hit him in the stomach. "Hey, did you all know that your keeping me awake is a Major offence?"  
"Huh? I didn't know that did you Hawk?" said B.J. with a mischievous smile. He received an exasperated but amused look.  
"Then I'll go bother Radar. That's only a Corporal offense."  
"Good. You catch on easily."  
"Of course!" Hawkeye told him.  
  
(Insert Porky Pig uh, thing here.) "That's all (for now,) folks!" 


End file.
